For those of you keeping track, I’ve been
in Peru a little over a year now. And since anniversaries seem to bring about
reflection, I think this is as good a time as any for my 8th blog
post ever (sorry I am the WORST at keeping this up).
I can say unequivocally that this has been
the most challenging experience of my life. Sometimes I find myself wrapped up
in day-to-day frustrations: Yes, I shower out of a giant red rubber trash bin
that collects dirt, human hair and skin, and worse; yes, I recently discovered
that I eat heart valves and intestines on a weekly basis (originally thought to
be seafood); yes, the daily street harassment from men in this country makes me
black out with rage from time to time; and yes, I currently have an infestation
of tiny white sand bugs covering every surface of my bedroom that won’t die no
matter what I spray at them. But whatever. Add these things up and they still
don’t come close to the good.
Peace Corps and Peru have given me so much
that I have trouble defining exactly what it is. Which may be why it’s easier
to talk about the bad sometimes – they’re tangible things (and usually funny).
But this experience has changed my mind and changed me, for better or for
worse. I have learned so much in this year – about Peru, about the world, about
what it means to be a human, but most surprisingly to me, about myself.
My heart has been opened in ways I never
thought possible (can y’all imagine me speaking this way 12 months ago?? Uh,
no.). I’ve made friends here that will be part of my heart and soul forever. My
host mom and 3 and 6 year old host nieces have taught me so much about
unconditional love that it makes my heart hurt. I’ve been amazed by the
capacity for human generosity and the resilience of the human spirit. I’ve been
moved by people’s faith, by their support and compassion for their neighbors in
times of hardship. They are barely getting by, yet will give you anything they
have to help you buy medicine for your kids. They have very little food, yet
they are desperate to share their pack of soda crackers with you.
I’ve realized and changed my mind on many
things, big and small, including love, time, things I’m good at, things in
which I am desperately lacking, the kind of person I want to be, and what makes
people happy, among others. In all honesty, if you had asked me a year ago, I
would have told you needing love in your life in order to be happy was a sign
of weakness. If you couldn’t go it alone, then you weren’t a strong person. But
after just one year in this place, I see how ridiculous that notion is. Love is
it. And I think it might literally be what makes the world go 'round.
Being here, completely stripped of
everything familiar, of any comfort and all distractions, and doing this kind
of work has forced me to be honest with myself. It’s exposed me to things I’m
passionate about (women’s lib, amiright?!). And now, more than ever, I know how
lucky I am just to have been born in America. I know how lucky I am to have a
family who has supported me and made it possible to do literally anything, to
have friends who believe in me and help me keep it real.
I recently went home to visit the states
and that trip was up there with the most wonderful two and a half weeks of my
life. I couldn’t have asked for better, and it made me see very clearly how
important the people I love are in my life. I was worried that it would be
really hard to come back to Peru after so much love, comfort, fun, DELICIOUS
food, and luxuriousness (1500 thread count Egyptian cotton?? I mean, come on!)
And surely the transition wasn’t entirely smooth. God knows I miss spicy
buffalo wings already, I wish I could use my iPhone to call my friends whenever
I want, and I was exhausted for 3 full days after arriving in Peru. But coming
back...not as hard as I thought. As much as I love America, as much as I love
the people who live there, and look forward to going back eventually; it is not
the place I’m meant to be right now. I am where I’m supposed to be. Living with
whatever hardships I am supposed to live with to learn whatever lessons I am
supposed to learn. I am lucky to be here.
This is not to say it’s all rainbows and
sunshine. As anyone who talks to me on a daily basis knows, there are many
times throughout any given day when I think someone could use a good punch in
the face or all I can think about is how nice it would be to take a real shower
or be able to eat a vegetable without fear. But when I take a step back and
think about where this journey has taken me, I know it’s been worth it.
Perspective. Peace Corps and Peru helped me learn that too.
I miss you all and love you so much.
Love,
Kimberly
