OH NO IT’S HAPPENED I’VE BECOME A MYSTICALLY INCLINED HIPPY

Apologies in advance for getting philosophical up in here, but I’m in the Peace Corps now so it’s an occupational hazard. But I’d like to take this moment to say how very GRATEFUL I am to my friends and family, in America and in Peru, and to the universe for putting me on the path to this experience. I know, I said grateful to the universe. I’m just a few hippy musings away from selling healing crystals and hemp bracelets out of the back of a van.

But back to philosophy… As I’ve said before, this experience is challenging in unexpected ways. With a few more months under my belt and in talking to other volunteers, I can say with a good deal of confidence that it’s the internal, not the external, struggle that is hard. The external struggle (i.e. no running water, complete lack of infrastructure, no barriers to the elements, weird food) might exasperate it, but it’s the internal one that’s powerful. It’s not whether or not it’s too difficult that we’re all struggling with, it’s whether or not it’s worthwhile. But I think that that’s true with all things we do in life.

I think it’s a question that’s at the foundation of our experience as humans. It’s the meaning of life question that we’re all dealing with in big and small ways everyday. But being in the Peace Corps gives you A LOT of time to think, and to think on this very question. You’re alone a lot and without the distractions of your “normal” life. So instead of pondering it on my drive home from work or after one of my friends makes a big life decision, this question has been in front of me all day every day jumping up and down screaming at the top of its lungs: WHAT ARE WE HERE FOR?! And upon further consideration…I still don’t know.

But what I do know is that I have had moments of tremendous clarity in these last few weeks. I’ve been reminded of what a wonderful opportunity it is to have an experience like this, how important the people I love are in my life, how we are all connected, and the beauty of the Peace Corps mission. It’s a mission about love and friendship and world peace, and not many organizations can say that. And it’s easier to lose sight of than you might think.

It’s harder for me to see the impact that I’m making on others, but I know for me personally, this experience has already helped me see more clearly my strengths and weaknesses, it’s made me braver, it’s helped me to rediscover the courage and adventure seeking that I’ve always had but may have been in remission in these last couple years.

Even with this clarity, though, I still panic every day over whether I’ll be able to really make a difference. I worry and I think: these are insurmountable problems, I’m just one person, maybe they don’t want my help, what can I give them, what if it’s all a waste… It’s very easy to go down this path and beat yourself up, and some days I do it a lot. But then I get a message from my aunt, my friend, my dad, my mom, telling me that what I’m doing has inspired them to do XYZ and it almost brings me to tears. And I’m not a crier, as some of you know. I think about my host nieces who’ve never been read to and now come into my room every day demanding to read The Giving Tree and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, maybe they’ll have an interest in books that they wouldn’t have had otherwise. I think about how my host family has started eating more fruits and vegetables because I do. Or how my host mom trusted me more than the doctor when they were suggesting surgery for her sick son. I think about how our job here is essentially to inspire people to make their own lives better. These things remind me how powerful it is to be a catalyst, for people here and at home. And I think, even if it’s just these things it will have been worth it.

As much as I hope to inspire people in my work here, I have been inspired and moved by others even more. Like the time I was in the market and an old lady selling avocados broke off a piece of the sugar cane she was eating and handed it to me with a big toothless smile just because she wanted me to have it, or when the entire church came over to my house and prayed on their knees on the stone ground in the rain for an hour and a half for the health of my host mom’s son, or when I was walking in the city with some of my host family and these tiny Peruvian women formed a circle around me because they were scared I might get robbed (turns out this fear is legitimate) and they wanted to guard me. Or when my host family threw me a birthday party with a special dinner and a hot pink cake with my name on it and decorations and speeches and dancing and a video montage of pictures of my face with captions like “Kimberly is the best” after knowing me for only three weeks.

I think about all of these things, and I realize how much more I know about myself and my perspective on the world and what it means to me, in just this short time. I might doubt myself and this choice 1,000 more times during my service – but in this moment, I am just grateful.

WHEW that was a lot. You must be exhausted. But to wrap up my philosophical rumination, this is a poem that a returned Peace Corps Volunteer wrote for the 50^th anniversary of Peace Corps in 2011. I hope you like it:

50 years of Peace Corps: A Message for soon to be Volunteers 

 

Peace Corps is a twenty-seven-month-long-commitment, 

little do you know, you are in it for life. 

  

 It all starts with that spark from someone, "Uncle Dave served in Peace Corps and he loved it", "Do you know they work in Thailand?" or the best and the most simple, "You would be great in the Peace Corps." 

  

 The highest compliment, the deepest calling. 

  

 And then the paper trail begins, blazing a path through a dense bureaucratic network of uploaded dreams and poorly stated ambitions. 

  

 We trace every spark believing that it will one day lead to a full fire of intention. 

 Really, it's your first endurance test, and it is not a smooth process-believe me. 

  

 When volunteers start, their minds are wrapped around 1,000 different words for help, 

...empower, assist, aid, facilitate, uplift, 

yet no idea how to use them in a sentence.  Let alone in life. 

  

 Yes, we open borders, but more importantly, minds and hearts. 

 Winning them, earning them with the skills of our training and the purity of our efforts. 

 This is something those who are new to the family realize, and eventually, eventually, 9-12 months eventually.. 

 You will go forth from this time, and this place, toting all that you can carry of your past life and loved ones. 

  

 And then, 

you serve. 

  

 Never, will you feel more alive - it will surprise you. 

  

 It is a progression of connection. 

 at first, you are in your head and it's 

 American, meets other.  

 Then you get more grounded, and 

 volunteer, meets villager or teacher, meets student.  

 And then, if you are lucky, the simplicity settles in, and it's 

 human meets human,

 heart to heart. 

  

 It's all right there.  It's tucked into the humble corners of each day.  

 Two years- will fly by.  

 Watch carefully or you might miss it. 

 Blink twice, 

 and it's gone.. 

  

 And then, 

 you will leave those same coveted, carefully packed objects turned artifacts in the fault lines of all your cultural earthquakes.

 And then, 

 you come back. 

 You are returned volunteers, never former, and you try to trace the patterns of home and you stumble, and get dizzy, and people from the place you once knew ask...

  

 How was Malawi?  Ecuador?  Mauritania?  Poland? 

 How was Nicaragua?  Mali?  Panama?  Vanuatu?  Romania?  How was Tanzania? 

 And what did you do there? 

  

 Well, 

 and you will pause. 

   

 I changed the world. 

 I changed myself.    

 It's been 50 years of sweat and smiles, moments and memories, adventure and admiration, respect and realization  and waiting and waiting and waiting,

It's been 50 years of imagination and inspiration. 

Fifty years on paper, but we are a part of so much more. 

We bring hope to the forgotten corners of the world, 

 and find peace at our core.    

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Love,

Kimberly